I just spent the afternoon with my son watching his noles play by daughter’s Bulls. I live in Tallahassee so I cheered for the Noles. It was hot, wet, miserable. A lousy game was played by all. This is not what is on my mind, but I refuse to give in to the depression that wants to consume me right now. I hate my personal life. I want to crawl in bed and sleep the rest of my life away. I want to get angry. I need to take legal action and get my life back. I am a happy person and I refuse to let those around me make me someone I don’t like.
God, please give me some direction.
Phew! Glad that is all out! Now I can get back to my happy little self. Doesn’t it feel good to get it all out of your system? Don’t you feel like an idiot ranting over what amounts to nothing?
So how do you keep from getting to that place to begin with? Try volunteering. it is the best way I know to feel better about yourself and help someone who really needs it in the process. If I may make a suggestion go to your local school. Teachers, students, and parents all need your help in any way you can help. Elementary teachers can find all sorts of ways to put you to work. Booklets that you can take home need tone stapled. Instructional games always need to have replacement pieces or new games need to be put together. Papers need filing and students need individual help. If you offer you will be put to work. At the end of the day, whatever bothers you will fade away when you work hard to help someone else.
Okay so joys in this case may be just plain wrong. When you turn 50 you have to get a colonoscopy. I scheduled mine during the summer so I don’t have to miss a day of teaching. I had planned on enjoying these last two days off doing the usual: planning all the cleaning, ironing, organizing and strenuous workouts that I had not been able to complete all summer. Then the doctor’s office called and said they have an opening for Monday morning, would I like to come in early. Every part of my behind is screaming, “NO! NO!” The calmer parts of me said, “Yes, it would be better to arrive early in the morning than waiting until the later date and time of 3:00PM.” Now I have to get up early this morning and drink this vial concoction that will ease me into my evening of torture. I was prepared. I ran an extension cord over to the toilet and plugged up my cell phone (games, books, Bible) and iPod (movies). They were fully charged and waiting for use. I thought I had time after taking the OTC meds and started laundry and a furniture refinishing project. However, something went wrong, terribly wrong. The magnesium citrate has flushed me out so much that I spent the last 5 or 6 hours on the throne of death. I called the doctor’s office to, in great detail I might add, describe what my nether regions were doing, hoping against all hope that I would not have to take the ultimate nectar of the devil. No such luck. I was told that the doctor I had chosen was a stickler for a truly clean colon or he would call off the session. This was upsetting news to say the least. My poor bottom puckered up tighter and sighed. Hey sigh sounds better on paper than the real thing. I finally got to where I could at least leave the bathroom, but no further than the bedroom and fell asleep on the end of the bed where I was joined by 2 cats. Having felt safe enough to go downstairs I measured out my 8 ounces of devil elixir into separate cups with directions to my son to bring them to me every 30 minutes. He then tells me, I’m leaving and won’t be home until later. Doesn’t he understand that I am doing this for him? I am saving him changing my diapers/colostomy bag in my older age. Ungrateful little…but I digress. Since the doctor did say I could start the said elixir a little later than planned to give my bottom a much needed rest. I am back to aforementioned laundry, refinishing, ummm, organizing my thoughts before I return to work. I hope you are enjoying these last days of summer.
Filed under: Family - You can't...
Have you ever had one of those times in your life when you thought you just might see some light at the end of the tunnel and you realize it is on the train headed right for you? It seems that is my life right now. The problem is they are all very small, petty things in the great scheme of life. I have my health, a loving husband, great children, friends and pets that use litter boxes or outside. You know the whole roof-over-my-head-and-food-on-the-table thing. So here is a sample of my ups and downs and I know that typing it will let me vent, sound petty and I can move on. May started with a trip with my daughter for Mother’s Day. We find out my father has not one, but two aneurisms, one 7 1/2 cm and the other 2 1/2 mm. They catch it in time and replace his aorta. Six weeks later he is back at work. The end of a really rough school year came and a tornado that tore off part of the school roof did $600 damage to my truck. I had insurance to pay for it. Then the head gasket blew and it will cost me $1847 that I don’t have to fix it. I get to work a week at school teaching teachers and earn some extra money. I dropped my cholesterol 25 points. I have diabetes. I also have something reeking havoc inside me and we don’t know what it is. I have health insurance. See my ups and downs?
Now back to the Mother’s Day trip. I love my daughter, but I know that like my mother she can tolerate me for 24 maybe 48 hours and that’s enough for another year. I know this, not by anything rude she does or says, but by the length of her sighs. Or the amount of texting she does with that “I’m putting my time in with mom look” as she responds to yet another text. It is about that time I feel like a 2 year old that has spilt milk on the new rug and hid it with a toy for a week. Why this happens I don’t know. Our time together starts out with hugs and smiles and then I stupidly ask too many questions. You see, I have very few secrets. I have seen secrets destroy too many people. So before you ask, I tell. I laugh at most things in my life, because it is usually that ridiculous. Well, my daughter has chosen to be the opposite of me and share nothing, at least with me. I used to have the ‘mom’ ways of finding out what I needed to know to keep her on the right track and now I just trust that I did my job and she turned out quite well in spite of me. Now I am not hurt by her behavior because I understand it. I just have grown up a little lately and have taken the stance of my husband’s family: don’t pry. If they want me to know they will tell me. Although this also makes me feel like they don’t really care enough to ask about me like I ask about them. I am going through some things right now that I am going to keep even from my husband. I shared a portion of it with a friend and got the reaction I expected so I am closing ranks. Maybe my daughter has it right. I have God who holds my fears, I don’t need anyone else. Sorry, that just isn’t me. I do need someone. God handles a lot for me and I am ever so grateful, but sometimes you need a shoulder you can touch. It just can’t be family. Family won’t let you be scared. They tell you to pull it together and stop worrying. Right now I want to overreact and be scared. I want to get it out of my system so that when I get the up that goes with this down, I can know that I didn’t worry my family. My daughter? I am really looking forward to spending another 48 hours with her in August and waiting for her to tell me what she wants me to know and being grown up enough to love her as she is and not ask questions. (We’ll see how long it lasts.)
I have thought of 5 million things to write about until I actually sit down to write. Thanks to my daughter naming this particular issue, I will share some things from my classroom. (Not necessarily this year.) I think for you to understand my point of view you should know some things about me. I am over 40 years old. (ok well over 40) I have 2 children, Jess, 26 and Sam, 22. I have always taught from the perspective of how I would want my children treated. Although I have to say, my children have never been in fights, thrown furniture, or many of the lovely behaviors teachers encounter on a daily basis. I love my job. I like playing on the playground with them. I find that if I use the playgroound they don’t get hurt or hurt each other. One day one lovely young man asked why I played so much. I responded that I needed to lose weight and this kept me moving. Several days later he saw me standing and not playing and called down from the top of the slide, “Hey Ms. Meador, don’t you need to lose some more weight?” Gotta love ‘em.
Same class different child. In an attempt to review the day’s lessons I asked the class to recall what we had learned that day. Several skills were shared and I was satisfied with their progress. When one young man piped up, “I learned a person plays a thing.” Well, apparently I had accomplished every teacher’s dream of accidental learning. Then it occurred to me, nouns, we talked about nouns. You know a person, place or thing. So much for patting my back. Tomorrow I will try to share some field trip stories. I am sure if you teach you have many to share.
